Monday, December 31, 2012

resolutions and being a girl.. or something.


As we arrive at new years once again (which for the record is one of my least favorite holidays) I have a lot of things on my mind. I love going online and seeing best of posts on all the different sites I check out and looking back articles that circulate this time of year. Then there’s also those resolutions and everyone’s advice and ideas and how to keep them etc etc. I love and hate the idea of resolutions. I feel like 90% of ladies always make their resolutions “I’m going to eat less, workout more and lose weight”. I’d be lying to you if that wasn’t on my list as well. I always have problems with this idea. As a feminist I want to sit here and say things like I love your body, love the skin your in etc etc. as a self-hating low self esteem chubby girl in the modern era I want to say things like the only people who say shit like that are people who are already skinny or use it as a justification for their weight. I can’t decide where I stand. I’m constantly torn between reality and my angry brain-mess, which is how I’m sure a lot of people feel. On one hand I do believe everyone should love themselves and feel comfortable in their bodies. But it’s also really easy to love the skin your in when everyone finds you sexy and classically beautiful. For the rest of us outliers, it’s kind of a free for all. The media (which is so easy to blame) shoves skinny bitches down our throat and magazines show us tiny twigs and call people skinny ladies curvy. Adele, she’s curvy, Jennifer Hudson was curvy (and personally I liked her before all the weight loss) but that’s just about it most “plus size models” are barely size 12 get real…. Not all of us are blessed in the chest with tiny waists and junk in the trunk. Some of us are less curvy and more cottage cheese in a pair of panty hose. But I digress what I’m trying to say is… there is still this idea/standard of beauty for what is acceptable in curvy ladies.
Something I like about morocco is how liberating it is sometimes to not be thinking about how I look. People want and expect me to wear loose fitting clothes 2 sizes too big, mumu’s and actively under-emphasize my body. It doesn’t take much to be sexy to men here; you’re an American woman! Instant win….  Doesn’t matter how I look honestly, also I do dress differently then women here, because if I didn’t I would go crazy. Women here are mostly bigger, junk in the trunk curvy ladies, who constantly insist on calling me fat. Yeah. So on one hand, yay! I get to wear comfy clothes all day, but then they turn around and call me fat. Wtf. To be honest though, people say “you’re fat in this picture” in the same way someone in the states might say “your hair looks long in this picture”. It’s not so much an insult. Or at least I hope it isn’t…
On the flip side of being able to wear xxl t-shirts and feeling legit is that some days I just feel unattractive and dumpy and the day in day out of pj wearing makes me feel trashy and sad. I would love to pull out my big girl bra, throw on a fun dress put on make up and feel sexy. If wore a sexy outfit around my site I think I would be run out of town, and adversely if I wore a sexy outfit in a city like Marrakech I would probably be harassed to the point of tears. So long story short it’s not worth it.
Being in a country without constant media bombardment, access to television and hit or miss internet has made me kind of complacent about my body. I don’t have a mirror in my house. I don’t go clothes shopping often (therefore avoiding seeing my full form in three mirrors in fitting rooms), I don’t feel like I need to impress anyone and I don’t have any reason to ever dress up. Another thing that I like about morocco is how little access I have to junk food. Sometimes when I travel I treat myself to some Pringles and snickers, but really all I eat in the way of heavily processed food is laughing cow triangle cheese, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t the worst thing for you. As a result of these things I have become sort of complacent about my weight and my health. I do teach an aerobics class 4 times a week (depending on if people come) so that means I’m a tiny bit active but to be honest I have never been so inactive in my life. I hate to admit it but I’m a gym person, so I find it difficult to motivate myself without having a designated time and place to work out. I know I like working out, I know I like being active, I can tell my body is unhappy, and my muscles have all turned to mush, but I’ve just become kind of lazy. So this is where I come back around to the resolution thing. I think at the end of the day a resolution shouldn’t be about losing weight or looking better, I think it’s best if it’s about being healthy and being better. Love the skin you’re in if you feel like you deserve  it- right now I feel like I don’t.

So here are my resolutions
-       eat better/as many veggies as possible
-       finish all craft projects I start
-       do well in teaching my classes
-       be the best I can and enjoy my time here in morocco, because I know the time will fly.
-   read more

As you, dear readers, are deciding on your resolutions I would recommend doing either broad “ways to better my life” items or really specific and achievable goals. Ladies, you’re not going to lose 30 lbs by march…. Or at least you shouldn’t… guys. You’re not going to look like a calvin klein model by march either. At the end of the day a resolution should be something you can realistically do for 12 months. My friend lucia gives each year a definer, she does it on her birthday, but you could do it on new years if you want. This is my year of doing more. You could do the year of adventure, the year of introspection, the year of me, the year of love… whatever you want! Just use it as a way to push yourself to be better and maybe do different things.

So.. that is all for now. I have internet for 2 months, because there was a promotion that gave me 2 months for the price of 1… it’s very exciting. So… feel free to email me/skype me/chat me… I’ll be around! 

Friday, December 14, 2012

packing and stuff... ie living out a suitcase


So there’s a new group coming in January so I thought I’d add my 2 cents on packing and how to effectively be happy here, or just generally any time you’re going to be away from home for long time or living out of a suitcase.

I’ve had a lot of jobs since I’ve graduated college and most of them have been 3-4 months/seasonal and have not allowed for me to have everything I want/own with me (then again for me to take everything I own with me somewhere I would need a pretty big truck, I will not lie to you that I have a lot of stuff). Anyways. Even though I’m a chronic over-packer and I mean a serious over-packer I almost always have more stuff then everyone else- besides that fact I consistently take jobs that force me to evaluate what’s important to me, and what can stay at home in my childhood bedroom (ps thanks mom for not kicking my stuff out- you’re the best and I’m aware I’m really lucky. ) So over the years I have one thing that I want to communicate to anyone who has to pare down your stuff or live out of a suitcase; pack what you love, pack things you like, pack things you will wear. My first theater tour in 2008 I only brought black work and show clothes and nothing fun or colorful or comfy to wear when I wasn’t doing the show- by the end of the first month I was going crazy and just felt like crap, it wasn’t until I went on a really bad shopping binge and brought some fun hippy colorful clothes that I realized I felt terrible because I wasn’t wearing the clothes I wanted to wear. I may be an exception because I tend to get over-attached to clothes, but you have to put something on every day (unless you live in a nudist colony) and I don’t know about you, but when I like my outfit and feel comfortable and like myself in the clothing I have on, I feel more confident, happy and complete. So… that’s my piece of advice, if there’s a dress code, yeah you have to adhere to that, but for the love of all things holy if you leave your favorite tshirt behind I promise you’ll regret that decision, even if you only get to wear it around your house after work or whatever.

So… for those of you coming to morocco here’s a suggestion for your packing- the toughest thing about packing for morocco (other than the fact that you have to project what you will want here and decide what you will have with you for 2 years, and then make it fit into 2 suitcase and a carry on) is that it gets both pretty darn cold, and really freaking hot, so you have to pack a variety of things. As with outdoor education the name of the game is layers… also this list is more geared towards girls, because boys pack so weird, honestly I don’t get it…. One guy in my group brought 1 duffel with him that wasn’t even all that full and didn’t think it was weird- maybe it’s because there’s only so many combinations of pants and t-shirts or button downs, and girls have a million options but come on guys, it’s two years for god sakes, and no one wants to see you walking around in a nasty stained ripped up t-shirt because you only brought one pack of hanes v-necks, think ahead.

For baggage, I recommend one large rolling suitcase, maybe a large rolling duffel ( I went with llbean’s rolling duffel it’s great) and one regular duffel, you’re going to want a little extra room in at least 1 of them because you will get a ton of papers and other important things like your mosquito net, books from the library, a fire detector and med kit during training.  Also bring travel locks for when you ship 1 of your bags to your site in country.

Ok so here goes my suggestions for packing for morocco


-       first of all this whole business casual thing is more or less bullshit, you’ll wear this outfit for swearing in and staging stateside. I recommend a nice looking skirt paired with a practical shirt or blouse or cardigan that could also double as something you would feel comfortable wearing day to day. You don’t need heels, or dress shoes or a Hilary Clinton get up- think more school teacher then wall street
-       2-3 skirts- for me, I wear skirts a lot and I think they’re great because you can wear as much or as little underneath them as you want
-       if you’re a pants person, bring 2 pairs and then maybe 1-2 extra pairs because hand washing will destroy them.
-       2 pairs of leggings, cotton or quick dry/wicking. if you wear skirts a lot I recommend these to wear underneath and 1-2 pairs of winter weight or long john leggings for the winter time.
-       1 pair of shorts to wear around your house in the summer time.
-       2 cardigans or long sleeve shirts, cardigans should ideally be long (to the butt if possible)
-       1-2 t-shirts or other shirts I recommend something not too tight, because if they cling onto your lady parts, or are low cut you may get some unwanted and un-fun attention
-       2-3 warm layers (I used coming to morocco as an excuse to go to the Patagonia outlet, and my merino base layers have done me really well) I recommend 3 because there will be a time when you’re wearing 2 of them, then have to wash them because they’re dirty, and then you will be cold if you don’t have an extra one, also there will probably be a day you put all 3 on
-       so to go along with the winter layers, I also suggest you think of long sleeve summer layers, places like Patagonia and underarmor and other sports gear places make great summer weight layers, I recommend at least 1 of these, 100 degrees in a taxi will feel much nicer if your clothes are wicking moisture for you.
-       -1 vest- winter jackets are a little superfluous down south where I am, so if you have a jacket that can be a vest or a jacket that might be ideal because you never know where you will end up.
-       1 -2 long tank tops to wear as a layer or to cover up a little more
-       1-2 scarves (to hide your lady bits- I highly recommend this especially if you are blessed in the chest)
-       2 pairs of sweatpants
-       1 sweater and 1 sweatshirt, depending on your mood
-       winter hat and gloves
-       underwear, then extra underwear and then some more extra underwear for your mom to send to you
-       -socks, then more socks to save for later
-       1-2 pairs of winter socks
-       warm slippers to wear around your house (honestly one of the best things I have with me)
-       shoes, I suggest 1 pair of hearty sandals (Birkenstocks, chaco’s) and 1 pair of traveling shoes (toms, keens, sneakers etc) and if you work out a lot something to do that in (running shoes, vibrams etc)

-       sleeping bag ( I suggest 0-20 degree)
-       sleeping bag liner
-       hiking backpack for your carry on to use for any trips you take, rolling suitcases are good for your checked but if you have to go somewhere for a training etc it’s nice to have a hands free option and something easier to drag through crowded trains and buses
-       re-useable shopping bag
-       day bag/backpack/messenger/purse etc for your day-to-day uses
-       kindle
-   iphone if you have one for a more portable internet possibilities/games
-   CAMERA- i forgot this the first time around. i have a canon g12 and i love it. it has great quality without being too bulky or even looking that fancy. im a big fan. 
-       computer and computer stuff
-       2 external hard drives- 1 for your computer back ups and one for the “electronic souk” where you will trade tv shows and movies with fellow pcv’s at every training you go to ever
-       journals if you’re the journaling type
-       my mom gave me the idea for something called a “smile folder” it’s just a folder where I put in things that make me happy, letters, pictures, magazine pictures, things to decorate my house… I think this is invaluable because there will be bad days, and it’s nice to have something that can cheer you up no matter what.
-       If you’re a crafty person do not deny this part of you! In my carry-on I brought 8lbs of seed  beads, crochet hooks, knitting needles a cross stitch and 2 skeins of yarn- I have used every single one of them. You can get some stuff here, but if you have a portable craft, or can’t imagine your life without scrapbooking or something make sure that happens.
-       Yoga mat
-       Workout dvd’s if you have any
-       Toiletries you like, your favorite shampoo, soap, deodorant and perfume, I recommend all of these and maybe a little extra, or buy some and set it aside for someone to ship to you while you’re home. It’s the little things that make you happiest
-       Moisturizer! You will need this for sure, bring extra.
-       A nice knife and if you’re really picky a veggie peeler, but you can purchase a veggie peeler here, a nice knife though makes your kitchen so much better
-       Measuring cups and measuring spoons
-       2 packs of ziplock bags, big and small
-       Peanut butter
-       If you have any spices you cant live without (ie mrs dash, lawrys seasoned salt, garlic powder etc ) I’d recommend that too.
-       Gifts for people (think card games like uno or something, local specialities such as maple syrup, books, I have a hard time with gifts, I still haven’t figured it out to be honest)
-       Small fleecy blanket (they have one from Columbia I think that zips into a pillow and zips out into a blanket- super cool)

Wow. I totally come off as an over-packer even online. Oh well. After that think of things that make you happy- for me until I went home a year in I was never truly happy in my bed because im really picky about my pillows, so I brought my favorite pillow back with me.

Also if you have packed everything and then realize you’re unsure about some stuff, like I did, make a  pile somewhere, or put them in a box and leave them with your parents or a friend in case you want them. It’s a lot easier then trying to give directions to your distant desires via email or skype.

I don’t know if anyone will find this helpful. But I guess this could also work for anyone who is also moving far away and having to get rid of their stuff. So I apologize for any of you who find this useless. For those of you who find it helpful, enjoy. 

Monday, December 10, 2012

thanksgiving!


So as you all know I kind of live in the middle of nowhere, this past week 2 peace corps staff came to my site to do the groundwork for the possibility of me getting another volunteer here in april which should be exciting. Anyways while we were waiting the one guy commented “we just kept driving and driving and I was like, she really lives out in the middle of nowhere!” the only time it bothers me is if I actually had a emergency situation. When I broke my foot last march I couldn’t tell if I was freaking out because I was hurt or because I lived so far away from legit medical care and the process of getting to a hospital isn’t exactly fun- but 9 times out of 10 I love living somewhere so far away from cities. It’s quiet and the stars are better then anyplace i've ever been before. But because I live so far out in the bled (country) no one ever visits which is really just a shame for the pcv community because I love hosting and cooking for people, and im a pretty decent cook . So… because I live so far away from everyone I laid the groundwork early for my favorite holiday ever… thanksgiving. I may or may not have told everyone and started planning the menu in june. Ooops. Let’s just say I had a lot of time on my hands this summer, and I wanted to make sure no one had an excuse for not making it to my house. So having more or less threatened everyone in june that they had to come to my house for thanksgiving November finally rolled around and thus my dreams were realized.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever. Let me tell you why, it’s like Christmas but without what I like to call the present pressure. Thanksgiving contains good food, good music, good people, good wine or beer (or in the case of morocco any wine or beer) and no other expectations…. No expectations except for full bellies and good company. When I was younger my family used to go to Chincoteague Island and rent a cottage and just hang out for 3 or so days. I loved it. We all sat around, hung out, drove around the nature preserve saw some awesome little ponies, cheated at board games and just enjoyed each other’s company (one year our dog had just recently had a litter of puppies so we brought all 10 tiny little guys with us! So much fun). My fondest family memories are often pulled up from the times we spent there, it’s also one of the few times my whole family got together at the same time. Over the years my uncle took charge of thanksgiving and as always there is a superfluous amount of food and really fun music. I wanted to carry the family tradition of over-doing it over here in morocco. And while we didn’t have as much left-overs as I was anticipating I think everyone was very satisfied and full.

I was really hoping to have an all-american sort of thanksgiving, a flash back to home. On my trip home in august i had funding, baggage and timing issues and didnt manage to bring back with me all the things i had originally intended. But i got really lucky and have 2 friends who have an American bank account and they generously got American commodities shipped over (ie cream of mushroom soup, stuffing mix, cranberry sauce, marshmallows and of course libby’s pumpkin pie mix) i feel so lucky that we all got to have such a taste of home. I was also really lucky that my host family generously let me borrow their propane gas oven, because my microwave size electric oven would not have accommodated our menu. The only weird thing about the dinner was that we didn’t succeed in obtaining a turkey, as a vegetarian I have no idea what kind of meat is available here in my site, so we made do with a full chicken, no one complained.

At times my kitchen felt a little small, but it was worth it to feel like my house was full, i think people enjoyed themselves and it was a really nice change from cooking alone in my kitchen and sharing my meal with episodes of the office and parks and rec. My lovely friends who got the stuff shipped for us (Lauren and Justin) came up a day early with their food cache and a bunch of stuff from their kitchen. i've never cooked so much food for so many people. realistically this was the biggest kitchen undertaking i've ever done and i think it turned out really well. everyone was full and happy and I barely had to do any of the dishes (which to be honest is my favorite thing about cooking for other people ).

I find I get a huge amount of emotional satisfaction from cooking and hosting for other people. To me food is the craft that everyone appreciates. I used to make home made presents for people all the time (ie bracelets, necklaces, crocheted things etc) and while i try and tailor gifts to the people i'm giving them to,  I can tell sometimes that I am handing someone something they will never use, it will sit on their dresser for a few years out of guilt and then they’ll either give it away or sell it at a tag sale or something. Food however, unless you have allergies or some kind of disorder is something that everyone appreciates. I love making something delicious and fun and then serving it to people. I have a dream of someday hosting dinner parties around an outdoor fire pit or something. Le sigh.

So in short thanksgiving was both wonderful and successful and I’m so proud of the hard work Lauren and I did cooking it. Huzzah.

In other non-food related news I’ve theoretically started at my youth center. Even with all the leg work and publicity I did in the weeks leading up to it I still had pitiful (read next to no) attendance. Just like last year I know patience and perseverance is key. I also have an ace in the hole with this new sports association who may or may not be doing some publicity for me to do another class later in the evening? I’m not 100% sure- meetings always have the possibility of mis-communication and lost in translation. But, I’m excited to have new work partners and a group of fun, motivated young men who like me and seem to have my back in a totally appropriate way.  Nothing else really exciting to report.

That’s all for now…. But! If any of you are like… wow… I haven’t seen or talked to michelle in so long,… or wow! It’s so close to Christmas I should send michelle a present because she’s so awesome my list is short. Yarn for crocheting stuff (more then 1 skein so as to ensure there is the possiblitiy of completing a project) anything pumpkin flavored, peanut butter,  mac and cheese, any kind of salty snack and if you’re feeling super fancy the stowaway backpack from llbean (in green). Wow. I sure do beg a lot on this blog… sorry guys. I hope you are all doing well and staying warm.

the lovely lauren working hard

our kitchen assistants! lucia and justin

first course of deviled eggs, home made bread, ranch dip and pumpkin soup with coconut milk 

thanksgiving dinner!  green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, stuffing, onion gravy, veggie quiche, garlic mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and chicken! 

serving dinner

desert of pumpkin and apple pies

eating desert

so much delicious food!  

Friday, November 9, 2012

wedding!


Dear ye, select few and steadfast readers of my dear blog, I finally have for you a real update. I know, right! I finally got up off my lazy ass, pulled myself out a a funk and did something…. Well not really my host sister got married so it would have been really shitty for me not to have gone, but went I did!

On this lovely election day (which I hope you all voted in) my host sister got married. Now, I say this but im not actually sure she did in fact get married today. I didn’t see the groom, I couldn’t pick him out of a line up, honestly I don’t know her husband from adam, but today was one (of 2? 3?) ceremonies. I showed up a little late, because by the time I got there at 3pm a bunch of ladies were mowing down on cous cous and my host sister was sitting on a tall couch wearing a fez embroidery dress with a big backdrop of a beautiful fezi tablecloth. Here’s a picture.. just kidding; because down here in berber back country we foreigners aren’t really welcome to take pictures, it’s strictly cultural. The wedding ceremony itself is segregated by gender, only younguns were allowed near the women, because these ladies let their hair down! Not really… they let their necks show but they are wearing these really cool bright yellow and red scarves with tassels that come down around the hair line and look like really funky hair. Anyways back to the pictures, according to my other host sister having me take a picture and possibly put it online is more or less equivalent to someone seeing them naked. So sadly, I have nothing to present here. I wanted to say I was planning on taking non stop artistic photo’s with faces omitted and hands and heads visible only, but it would have made people too uncomfortable so while it’s all still ripe and juicy in my head I’m going to write you all word pictures.

Fezi embroidery is really cool, really intricate and to me just a phenomenal piece of needlework. What makes it so unique is that it’s the same on the front and the back, so as an avid craft copier, who can generally pick something up and attempt an imitation (results vary) this embroidery is a serious puzzle. I could  not even fathom how to try to fake my way through this stitchery, I would definitely need to be taught (fingers crossed that it might happen this year at the women’s center) traditionally fezi is done on a white background with green thread, and the garment my host sister wore as well as the backdrop was no exception. The patterns were intricate and large, and really stunning, and served as her bridal throne background.

an example of fezi embroidery


So back to the beginning, I arrived as her henna was drying so she lay there prostrate her hands and feet covered in fabric and then covered in plastic bags. After everyone had finished eating everyone lounged around the courtyard area while her henna dried. Once the henna was set and match she changed rooms, ate some food herself, prayed and then changed into a lovely forest green and gold kaftan. Kaftan’s are a cool garment, usually containing some sort of glittery bling, long bell sleeves and a wide ass belt. Here’s a pic I snagged from the interwebs. They lent me a gold kaftan that fit me really well. picture to come later. 

a bunch of random ladies in a variety of kaftan's

Once everyone was ready, wearing some makeup the bride was paraded out to her sofa throne and a multitude of pictures were taken. There was a little bit of dancing and some music then there was some more sitting about. This was around 5 I think. From 5-10 I made friends with a bunch of kids most of which were around 8yo’s, and I have to say unilaterally 8 year olds are the best, I can get down with a bunch of little 8 yo’s, they laugh at my fake crying and play and dance crazy and make me feel super special. Later in the evening they gave me my own imaginary henna followed by an imaginary wedding and told me I looked like a queen. 8 year olds make me feel better about myself…. In a totally camp appropriate way. Anyways.

I also got to have a nice long chat with the lady part of the german couple who own a Kasbah (ait omar) here in n’kob, if you’re looking to travel to morocco, I suggest you stay here, it’s a truly beautiful place and they’re lovely people (and it’s veggie friendly!) anyways. During our conversation there was more drum playing and call and response sing-chanting, then the bride was paraded in again back in here fezi dress but this time covered in a veil that stayed on one way or another until the end of the night. After the bride sat down there was traditional line movement dancing with drums followed by the dance of the suitcases. The suitcases, I found out later, were filled with gifts (the luggage themselves also being part of the gifts I think…) these bags were placed on a litany of different women’s heads and danced in a closed circle. As a side tangent there’s a part of me that feels like Moroccan weddings are more for everyone else then they are for the bride. All night and day long this poor girl sat on her bridal throne, sure people came and sat with her from time to time but the rest of us could mill about and laugh and chat and eat together, she ate long after the rest of us with here sister under a sheet, still on her bridal throne. So that’s my small cultural observation.

After cous cous and stuff a huge part of the crowd left and then there was a little bit more of milling around before the sing-chanting commenced but behold, the bride is now on the floor covered by a sheet. I learned after that she was receiving a costume change into a beautiful teal kaftan and the aforementioned veil was then placed around her body into a very pretty pouffy covering. While the bride sat on the floor scarves that were given to her were placed on her head, I didn’t count but I would geuss there was somewhere near 20 or so. Once they all made their way onto her head they were held in place by a red cord with large circular sequins and tastefully small green pom pom type thigns. Then, accompanied by the beautifully haunting sound of the women doing call and response sing-chanting I believe the mother of the groom rubbed henna on the brides hands and feet then laced henna soaked yarn around her fingers and toes and secured them there. I also believe the more wearable gifts were then presented to her and she put them on. Once all of that was done the scarves were removed until only 4 remained, one covering her face, 2 covering the back of her head and one long sheer one going from her head to her shoulders. She really looked beautiful.

This wedding was really nice because I saw a bunch of people I’ve gotten to know this past year and I actually felt like I belonged here in a lot of ways, some of the women asked about when my classes were starting up which is always an ego boost, and being the hit of the kiddo’s is also an ego boost. But the wedding didn’t feel entirely joyful. There is something romantic, if it works out , in getting married to someone you don’t know, but to me it’s more of an idea that induces sheer terror and emotional mayhem. I could imagine some of that was present in my host sister as well. It’s almost as if she sat the whole time surveying all that she was about to leave, having people come sit by here one by one , people she will be saying goodbye to. After this wedding her life will irrevocably be changed (Sure divorce is legal and often accepted in morocco, but I don’t know if a lot of women can actually, culturally, take advantage of that right). Luckily she’s not moving that far away, only a few hours up the road into the city of ouarzazate, but in a culture where family is more or less everything, leaving your own has to be a tremendous challenge. I really admire that bravery.

As far as my first Moroccan wedding is concerned I’d give this one an A+. I feel kind of like I cheated because I didn’t have to do a whole lot of sitting around not knowing anyone in silence, because I knew a lot of people who attended, was entertained by chitlin’s and a lot of my friends who were there spoke English. But I was happy for the understanding repetitions of dirija, my feeble attempts at tashleheet and my poignant conversations in English. I feel like I learned  a lot today.



Monday, October 29, 2012

oh hai.

hello dear readers, sorry for the radio silence. i tend not to update if i don't have anything really exciting going on or im feeling a little negative and right now there's not a whole lot going on so i don't have a lot to even update about. things are still in summer mode in a lot of ways, even though it's cooled down substantially. before leid kbir (or the big feast) no one really wants to do anything, even though school has started people have difficulty focusing, it's like the week before christmas because leid kbir is a big deal. i was feeling guilty that i hadn't been going to the womens center but then i ran into a bunch of the ladies i've gotten to know at the womens center on friday when i was a walking around town and none of them have gone  either which made me feel better. they also asked when i was going to start sports classes, which should be good. my sports classes went really well last year.  some other volunteers were able to start things up in october, but my site is not such a place, and now that leid is done im going to kick it up a notch, and everything else will hopefully follow.

A lot of the success of a volunteer is contingent on the different associations in town and at the dar shabab, and to be frank my site doesn't really have any. This past month a group of guys started a sports association, and they seem like a really nice and nishan (not creepy) group so hopefully we can work together to spruce up the dar shabab and get more people to come. i met them by just walking into the dar shabab the other night bc i saw the lights were on, and lucky i did too because up until then i just had heard they existed and that was the extent of my knowledge.  i finally got to see into the mystery room that's been locked for the past year, and turns out we have a ping pong table! good times. so long story short, i haven't updated a whole lot because there's been nothing really to update a lot. i've been trying to re-acquaint myself with morocco after my amazing trip home, say hi to the people i know here, but to be honest there's been a lot of sitting around watching tv shows on my computer and working on craft projects. i also read the 50 shades of grey series, which was terribly written pornography, i felt very awkward reading it around other people ( so i tried not to) . i don't think ill ever get the time i spent reading that book back. also christian grey is a douche, and anastasia was kind of whiney. if you tell him to hit you, don't get all pissy when he does and suprise! it hurts, totally lame. anyways. that's all im going to say about that because i'm a little ashamed to admit that i even read it. so to "save face" im now going to read the 11th book in the sookie stackhouse series.... because that's WAY better...............

moving on. as i was writing that i didn't do that much last month i realized that wasn't totally true. i actually was out of site on and off. I did a weekend in ouarzazate, helped my friend with her activity at her youth center, where i taught kids how to make paper beads, which went really well. i also went dancing at a shady club in the city with a bunch of other volunteers which was really fun. i miss dancing in public. i especially miss the days of being on tour when me and my tour mates would try and find the gay bar in any given city we were in, gay bars and dance clubs have the best dancing and music. those were the days..... what else did i do. i also went to marakesh for a regional meeting, that was not entirely successful on my end, considering my supervisor didn't show which made me feel like crap and really disappointed, but it was good to meet the people from the new group, they're pretty great. my region only has 2 other people from my group, which means that 98% of the people in my region just got here a few months ago. new blood is great, they're so full of wide eyed optimism and great ideas that are inspiring, because even though i've been trying not to, i've become a little jaded, so optimism and inspiration are great. i also got to go to a bar and have a beer served to me in a glass and also we watched a really fun soccer match, matches that are important to other people are really fun because there's so much energy.

today is kind of a rainy gloomy day which is kind of nice, but because there has been rain there has been an explosion of evil. FLIES.... flies are the worst. flies suck. flies are the worst creatures ever created in the universe ever. the fly population here has exploded. when i walk into my kitchen you can literally hear the the flies buzzing, those smug douchey douche creatures. they think they own everything, oh, im going to land here, oh im going to land there. im going to puke my fly poop on your food then eat it, im going to screw in your dreads. Dont mind me, just making you crazy by landing on you and then flying away too fast for you to kill me. bastards.... flies are literally the most terrible of everything. i wish they would all die.

so beyond my hatred for flies, friday was leid kbir, as i mentioned earlier. here's the link to last years leid celebration pictures and the info. leid was different here, the food was different, the way it went was different (omitting the everyone kills a sheep thing). in the morning everyone was walking around town all dressed up like they were going to a wedding, new kaftan's and lots of white lace over top. i wanted to take pictures but people are really unhappy about the picture-taking here. which is unfortunate. i really want to do a photo project on women's clothing here, but it would never work because no one wants their pictures taken. boo.

sorry this update has been sort of schizo and random. i hope you all enjoyed it.  so that's it for now. sorry i took so long to update again. please feel free to leave comments, send me emails or write me letters, because that would be totally fine by me. hint hint. 

Monday, October 1, 2012

begging?

so this blog post has no value whatsoever to do with my life in morocco except to beg you all for ingredients for my upcoming (in a long while) thanksgiving feast.  if you've been thinking to yourself "wow I just saw michelle while she was home she's so great! i'd love to send her something to make her life better" or "wow i feel guilty that i didn't get to spend as much time or any time with michelle while i was home" this post is for YOUUUUUUU!!!!!

things i need for my thanksgiving feast

- 2 cans of coconut milk
- 2-3 cans of libby's pumpkin pie mix
- 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup
- those delicious french's fried onions for green bean casserole
- brown sugar
- stuffing mix
- pecans
- mulling spices

if you are sending me these things please let me know because i'm attempting to co-ordinate with another pcv to make sure we get what we need and don't overlap.

things i would like that are unrelated to thanksgiving

- mac and cheese boxes
- cheese related items
- salty snack items
- granola bars
- peanut butter
- anything coffee related
- gel pens

honestly i'd like anything. if you send me a letter i pretty much guarantee you that i will send you a letter back and i've got a fantastic stock of some pretty sweet 1970-80's glamor shot postcards and awkward postcards that i got a few weeks ago that need homes i promise you wont regret it.

so besides that nothing is going on all that much here in morocco. it's cooled down enough that i have to sleep with a sheet and my blanket i brought from america. it's nice to cuddle up but i still stick to my guns that it's better to be hot then cold. im eternally not a fan of winter. (which is hilarious considering im from mass, went to school in vermont and becoming keen on alaska as a future living location) the only time cold wins over hot is if you have to be outside a lot. then cool beats hot, because layers rock. but for normal day to day, in the house and doing crafts stuff the cold can suck it. also without foliage and snow the cold is incredibly less fulfilling and really pointless, it should just stay warm.


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

AMURICAH!!!



So I figure it’s probably about time that I update my blog considering it’s been a significant period of time.

Part of the reason I have been so absent is I just returned from my 20 day adventure back to America. My trip to America in one sentence you ask? FUCKING AWESOME. And sorry I try not to swear too much here but it was just hands down great. You know that saying you don’t know what you have until it’s gone? Well nothing like living in Morocco for close to a year to help you realize how great your home is.

Things I love about the states:
-       Family. There is no one who understands you better- it was wonderful to see my family again.
-       Friends- they helped me remember who I was and who I like to be and just smiles and hugs and awesomeness
-       The smell- America smells like heaven. Like a perfume I know it sounds weird but new England in august is just full of delicious natural smells. I could not stop obsessing about it.
-       The way people talk about academic subjects and appreciate art and theater
-       The sensations of pure joy- from things such as driving, being in a canoe, swimming, hiking, being able to dance and sing wherever/whenever I want, feeling liberated and free in ways I didn’t even realize I was limited in. etc etc. the list can go on
-       TREES!!! I love trees so much. I feel like a missing piece was returned when I laid on the grass and looked at the trees of my backyard or heard the wind sway the leaves. I got to go on an amazing hike at Bartholomew’s Cobble back home and there is some sort of magic under trees. The way the light looks, the way you feel as a person. I definitely belong in the forest.
-       Food and Drinks- something I said to people while I was home when I was asked what I missed most one of my first responses is always “a casual drink”. Which I now realize makes me sound kind of like an alchy… but for reals. When you live in a culture where the majority of people don’t drink and drinking is reserved for the seedy underbelly of society you always end up drinking straight crap behind closed doors. The relationship most Americans have with alcohol is so different then Moroccans and PCVs. So yeah. A beer that was brewed locally or a glass of wine with dinner that doesn’t taste like apple cider vinegar’s 3rd cousin once removed is nice. Also coffee, there’s no 20oz to go iced blueberry coffee’s here. One shot of espresso with milk? Sure… but man. Latte’s iced coffee… yum.

I realize that the bigger paragraphs are not about the people I love, and mostly about random and slightly awkward things but it’s hard to sum up just how great friends and family are- sure I have friends here and a Moroccan family but to give you an indication on how different I can be here- a lot of Moroccans think I’m a quiet person. HAHAHAHA… you and I both know better.  So what else…. Well you already know that my trip was great. At first I was a little worried that I had booked myself at home for too long but it was the perfect amount of time. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to see everyone but things worked out magically for those who I did get to see . It’s like the universe placed people up and down 95 just so I could see them easily. Also it was so magical to be part of my dearest friend Tina’s wedding- I realize while the whole events of the wedding unfolded that I honestly know more about Moroccan weddings then I do about American ones… ooops. I still had a lot of fun, loved seeing my lovely SMC people who I do not see enough and I would not have missed that wedding for the world.

Being back in morocco is… weird. As I told a few people before I left going back this time was WAY harder then coming here the first time. When I got here a year ago the world was my oyster I had no ideas of what I was going to encounter, I had no experience here, not a whole lot of expectations it was all fresh and new and exciting. This time around I knew what I was going back to… for better or worse. Peace corps hands out this graph in our medical book broken down into stages of our service and it doesn’t help my case that months 11-14 are called “mid-service crisis”. Not that I’m letting that piece of paper determine my emotional state, but just like when I was a roatary exchange student it’s not too far off the mark. So not only did I go home at the beginning of this ‘crisis’ I came straight back to it. (For those of you at home, don’t worry, it’s mostly a crisis of insecurities about my first year of service, uncertainty about the year ahead which it totally normal peace corps emotions. I’m all good- it’s just another step in the process). But since I’ve been back I’ve actually welcomed (for once) the back to back trainings that have happened. First there was the  Berber/Tamazight language training where I finally got some formal berber undersanding which should hopefully give me street cred in my site.  Now I’m in Marakesh, sharing some of my ideas for artistic projects that could be done here in Morocco. Being around Americans has been a great way to slowly ease my way back into my Moroccan life.

So that’s it for now. I don’t have anything exciting lines up for the immediate future. I hope you all enjoyed my little rant for the time being. Here’s some pictures of my trip home. Enjoy! 


swimming at umpachenne falls

my mom at the falls 

i love swings

i called this my "america " picture. driving with my iphone, showing some skin and drinking an iced coffee. aaah life is good. 

the colors of the summer


picking basil for pesto and talking to morocco via fb chat

grandma and her dog jerry

some nature at the cobble

my favorite tree- the sycamore

voodoo donuts in portland! yum

two of my favorite girls at stumptown in portland

bem, me and the bride! at the bachelorette party

smc theater girls and uncle jpd!

being ridiculous at the bridal after party

Saturday, July 28, 2012

THE OLYMPICS!!!!!

so for those of you who dont know this about me are about to find out; i LOVE the olympics. love.... obsessed... cant get enough of them. i dont know how it all started because i definitely find no pleasure in watching any other sporting events more or less ever but theres something about the olympics that really gets me going. dont judge me but the olympics can consistently make me cry. whether its a powerful win (kerri strug) or a saddening loss (michelle kwan) or the opening ceremonies im a little bit of a wreck. sometimes i get all choked up just talking about the olympics. i am one hot mess.
i remember my first opening ceremonies when i was maybe in 2nd or 3rd grade in norway; i remember so much of those opening ceremonies and have been hooked ever since. being in morocco makes my olympic obsession difficult. i decided to write this entry because im so frustrated that i cant find a full video of the opening ceremonies that im almost about to cry so i decided to channel those feelings here. and seriously if youve taped it or know of some black market back alley video of the ceremonies i can watch i will be forever in your debt. one of the most annoying things is that my host family has a tv with 500 or so channels and i was really optimistic that i was going to find the ceremonies while i was over at their house; and tio be fair i did. but only in time for the parade of athletes which we all know is the most boring part of all (and to add insult to injury they were only at cambodia so i was maybe 40minutes too late tops): AAAARGGGGHHHH. this frustration is; i feel a very peace corps experience for me.

well now that ive got that out of the way i thought id actualy leave you with an update that doesnt make me sound like a totally obsessive crazy person.

for those of you who do not know it is currently the holy month of ramadan for muslims. ramadan involves fasting from sun up to sun down (approx 4am until 7:30pm). there are calls to prayer from the mosque to let us all know when we can stop and start eating and drinking water. fasting involves not only abstaiinng from food during the day but also not cursing, nt gossiping or backstabbing, being charitous; praying, reading the koran and essentially keeping all your senses as pure as possible. my site is a little more conservative religiouisly then some in morocco so its a lot more simple then the nighttime feasts i had heard about. Ive chosen to fast and its turning out to be not only a great diet regimen but a lot easier then i anticipated. ive essentially just turned my day around. i go over to my host families for lftur or breakfast where we eat bread and dates and drink lots of cold water followed by traditional hrira or soup. then i watch some islamic talk television with my host sisters then head back to my house where i eat something light and drink a lot of water before i fall asleep under the stars as the last call to prayer echoes through my town.
as my host sister put it the weather here has been a mercy. i was expecting merciless dry waves of heat that drove me to sit in a bucket of water all day but instead have been faced with hot but not miserable days and cool perfect summer nights. its actually a lot nicer to be up all night and try to sleep as much as i can during the day.

without my bounty of tv shows and movies on my computer my life can be pretty boring. ive finally begun to figure out how to take a nap, ive been reading a lot and also working on craft projects. im sure my neighbors think im nutso because i like to listen to books on tape or sing along to my music which im sure they can hear in the still of the nighttime. oh well.

just around 2 weeks until im home in america! mark your calendars. i cannot wait. im both nervous and excited for many reasons. its actually sort of surreal the idea of going home because of how at ease i feel here. itll be a nice break from the summer and long layers i have to wear in the heat but to me its important that i know that as much as im excited about going home i dont need it. i feel no overwhelming desire to be back in the states. yes i get homesick and you bet your ass im excited to see my family and friends and indulge in all things food and drink that i miss here but i dont NEED it. im happy to be going home and i cant wait for the adventure of it.

that is all for now because im really hot and i think the cyber cafes computer is beginning to melt with exertion. so ta ta for now and someone for the love of all things holy get me a copy of those opening ceremonies!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

2 posts in one week. Whoa. I know, right?

Ok so this post isn't anything too exciting. Mostly just a smal update. For those of you who do not have the face (book) you may or may not know that my computer charger has shat the bed and now rests in peace. If I wasn't in morocco this wouldn't be that huge of a deal but considering that I have a Mac and really only the USA and Europe can afford apple products I am kind of up shit creek without a paddle. Now seeing as I have terrible luck with laptops (my gateway in 3 years had 4-6 new hardrives, 2x new motherboard a logic board replaced screen busted fans and replaced ram then my other MacBook pro had 4 maybe 5 hardrives a logic board and finally ram failure before I got a replacement ) I take the charger breaking over so manu other computer issues. But as a result my computer now is at 25% charge and will probably stay that way until someone with the same charger as me visits my mskina ( sad/pathetic) ass in site ( HIGHLY unlikely) or when I arrive home in america on aug 9th with my newly purchased charger lying on my bed like a hotel chocolate on your pillow. (most likely). So as a result this will be the last time I update probably for a while. I'm going to try and go to a cyber cafe but with the slowness of the computers combined with the French keyboards I will grow impatient with typing and probably write two sentences in 10 minutes with more heinous spelling and mistypes then I have now from typing on my iPhone, grow impatient and them give up. So there you have it. I hope you're all thrilled to see me when I'm home in aug. I'll be on the east coast aug 10-22 then Oregon for my darling tina's wedding the 24th-28th. So keep me in mind and stay classy interwebs.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

essouira... OH Rasta!



Hello again dear internets. Long time no see. I will admit that sometimes I wonder if I’m being silly by not being connected to the internet more often, considering I’ve often found myself bored this week, also I realize that it’s hard to feel connected to my friends and family back home, especially when I’m online so infrequently. I’m trying to write more letters, but it’s often easier said then done and in an attempt to be fair and equilateral I end up writing the same letter over and over again just to different people, the more I write the more rambly I become, and no one would like to get a letter filled with my distractible stream of consciousness, trust me. I just wish the internet wasn’t so frustrating. Because concrete and 3” thick earth walls surround where I currently sit you could imagine signal isn’t so hot down here on the ground floor of my living area so I have to go on the roof. In the winter it was too cold, now it’s too hot and to top it all off there’s the dust and the wind to contend with.  I could be logical and make a nice little area up there, but that would be too easy and require more cleaning then I want to deal with. The roof always will have little rocks and exponentially more dust and dirt then my courtyard. Anyways, enough complaining- I guess my point here is that for peace corps morocco I am in the minority of people in terms of my internet usages, and at times I feel guilty for that because it means I often have so little contact with the people I love most. To be fair though, peace corps did ask me about 10 times if I could survive a life sans internet, so I’m just fulfilling their expectations. It’s not my fault morocco has decent internet services. ;) (well decent everywhere except my living room, bedroom and courtyard… also decent is a bit of an exaggeration  seeing as I’ve been trying to connect to skype for approximately an hour now from my rooftop. )

a view of our street 
So… news about my life… hmm... The last weekend in June I went to the beach town of Essaouira for a few days with great friends and an African music festival known as Gnaoua. My fellow volunteers found an amazing little apartment called “the cave” with cute little nooks for our beds a living room with surround sound speakers, a flatscreen tv hooked up to cable and a kitchen and 2 bathrooms with hot showers to boot- posh for sures. The weather there was so nice. Super windy, but more in the 70-80 range then my sites 90-100 range. I was actually cold! It was a nice break from the heat of the summer.

 Most of the weekend was spent wandering the old medina/city walls , shopping, eating good food and hanging out with good friends.  We didn’t see as much music as anticipated, but Morocco is so nocturnal! All the concerts started at around 9:30pm and some didn’t end until 3am- and I’m having difficulty transitioning into a nighttime creature. I’m used to falcon ridge where we sit in the hot sun all day and night. I’m assuming Moroccan concerts start later in the evening because of the “smsh” or sun, much Moroccans tend not to be too keen on (now that it’s summertime I totally understand though). We caught 3 or 4 shows including a Moroccan ska band from Casablanca that was really popular with the local youths  as well as a traditional gnoaua band. The ska band put on a really fun show, and it was on the beach stage, which made it even cooler. Nothing like dancing along to music on a sandy beach! We also had our own dance parties, so we were ok.
the beach stage

getting down during one of our dance parties in the apartment


check out he new hairstyle and delicious food
 Our apartment had shared rooftop access with the other people in the building and we were able to see and hear the ocean. Hearing “shared rooftop” can be a little scary in terms of who else is using it and we got really lucky! There was a small group of british guys who generously offered to cook us dinner. They made a delicious spread of stew with green beans and wonderful oven potatoes. We contributed to with a Moroccan salad of tomato’s and onions as well as cookies.


sitting down to eat the delicious food

















sarah's checking out our tagine
The next night we got even luckier when Sarah’s Moroccoan Tamslohte posse cooked us Tagine. Super duper tasty. Nothing like going on vacation and having other people cook for you

getting ready for our tagine feast! 
I also baked and brought with me 3 different types of bread, both to use up the food in my house before I traveled and because I love sharing food with others. I made cinnamon-raisin carrot bread, a sweet-ish tomato carrot bread and a garlic and onion artisan loaf. They were all a big hit. Besides the food that was generously cooked for our us the food we had out was also amazing. I had fish curry from a super cute restaurant run by a couple of Americans and brits on one day.  Then we also went out for phenomenal Italian food the night before we left. 




eating lunch

Being a beach town we obviously had to indulge in some fresh fish. We were later told by the Moroccans that we paid a bad price but to steal my friend Sarah’s pun by the end of our 50 dirham (6 dollar) meal we were stuffed to the gills (get it! Fish… gills… man she’s good).  The guys there were really nice and we watched the guys grill our food as plate after plate found its way to the table. The fare included squid, baby squid, sardines, and a couple other types of fish whose names I didn’t inquire after. It was served in a very Moroccan way; served with a salad of tomato’s and onions and green peppers and non-stop bread. It was a tasty and very satisfying meal.
look at those smiling faces (also check out my hair bling)
tentically.... 
the set-up and our enthusiastic server

the fish
the grill


my set-up for de-seeding raisins
This is kind of tangential I’m aware, but see that mention of that bread I made up there? Well now I’m going to distract both myself and you for a second here to talk about my raisins. Now generally one doesn’t put much stock in raisins. You get them usually on elementary school field trips or shitty box lunches. They come in those quasi-cardboard containers with the plastic lids and are pretty tasty. Well I never put much thought in raisins either, when I started baking I started trying to discern what ingredients I could obtain in site and which ones I would have to travel for, and up until recently I didn’t think I could get raisins anywhere near me and had imported them from the supermarkets of Marrakech. So you could imagine I was PUMPED to see them at souk. They’re expensive (50dh a kilo) so I bought 20 dirham worth and skipped home all excited to make some delicious raisin bread. That was until I grabbed a few and mowed down. My raisins were crunchy. Now. All of my fellow peace corps volunteers do not feel like this is a big deal. But when you expect a certain consistency or texture from something, and get something else I find it disconcerting; i.e. biting into what you expect to be a sort of smooshy raisin and getting a crunch as an added bonus. What I didn’t consider is that raisins come from grapes, and most grapes in morocco have seeds therefore most raisins have seeds. Misery. I decided that instead of wasting my money and ditching the raisins I would de-seed all of them. So I poured myself a drink, popped on a movie (turned out to be more like 3 movies before the job was done) and de-seeded all of my raisins- I’d say a little over 2.5 cups in total. It was rewarding to finish the task, but really time consuming and sticky, and definitely something I will not be doing again. But definitely a Peace Corps experience to share with you all… ok now back to your scheduled programming of Essaouira adventures.

One thing I like about traveling is how much stuff there is around. Especially considering Essouira is a touristy city there are tons of cool shops and fun things to window shop and purchase. I got some really wonderful and Moroccan-ish clothing as well as some really cool strands of beads that cost me $1.25, woot! I love cheap beads. Also wearing new clothes especially on such a limited stock is so nice.  Also another “souvenir” from Essouira was the fact that a met a fellow PCV who used to have dreads and who generously taught me a new way to wear my hair- which is almost like getting a new haricut for someone with dreadlocks. It’s great because it requires no hair ties and keeps my hair off my neck in this heat. It’s a little wild in most standards, but I’m doing it in site anyways.

enjoying the shopping
i had a little photo shoot with my new clothing. 


my moroccan mumu
my moroccan jlaba- my host sister sewed it for me!

some hair bling
Another cool thing about being in the city for a music festival was all the other “Rasta’s” ! Dreads aren’t totally un-common here I wouldn’t say they’re rampant,  The  more rebellious Moroccan’s combined with vagabond Europeans who travel here mean there’s a decent number of “rasta’s” in country. Whenever I’m in toursity cities I usually get “OOOOOOOOH ! Rasta! “ or “rasta pasta a la nasta” or “ hey  Bob Marley!” shouted to me by passerby’s or shop owners. But there were so many Rasta’s in town for the festival I was almost the majority. Not that I mind the attention altogether, in terms of harassment in country it’s really tame (in fact I usually try and keep a count of what I get called every time I’m out and about, and I keep a mental note if someone comes up with something new) but it was nice to be somewhere I could be more relaxed and a little more wild with my hair- notice the strands of beads I wore – something I would definitely do in America, but definitely wouldn’t do in my site. So yes…. Shopping +new hair = awesomeness.




As you all may or may not know I will be traveling home in august. I will be in Mass/on the East coast from around aug 10th-aug 22nd- so start thinking about when you want to see me ;) in that time I’m hoping to be getting up to Maine to visit KP and re-visit some of my favorite restaurants in Portland then ill be going out west to Portland for my friend Tina’s wedding. I’m super excited, but a little nervous-  I'm not sure how mobile i'll be seeing as im a peace corps volunteer with no car and limited funds but I’d love to see as many people as possible before I come back here to start my second year. So… don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

taking a rest from shopping
the girls
I hope everyone is well wherever you are. Enjoy the pictures! 

the group
me and lauren