Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Follow through, Challenge, love and Cambodia.

This has been a fairly transformative year or so for me. 

           
At my birthday last year I decided that this year would be my year of follow through. I removed the word should from my vocabulary and instead followed through with the things I thought were important. Instead of saying I should eat healthier I challenged myself to eat healthier. Instead of saying I should exercise more often, I did it.  Instead of thinking ‘ I wish I was one of those people who ran and did yoga everyday’  I became that person. This year I worked on transforming myself into the the person I have always aspired to be. Then after all that follow through I decided this next year (2015-2016) would be my year of challenge. 


before I left Morocco in front of my house
in Cambodia with chips I ate in Morocco 
picking up our boss
         



















 It’s been a long and a wonderful year and half or so. I didn’t do a response post to arriving in America after my Peace Corps service because it was hard. I didn’t really know what to write and on one hand I felt like my integration back to my home country was easy and fun but I had a rough and isolating winter last year. Luckily that ended and thawed into the best spring of my life. 
After a winter of buying way too many bra’s and working at a gas station I took a position at Nature’s Classroom in Connecticut. I have worked seasonally for all of my adult life ( barring my Peace Corps service) and this past spring was truly magical. I have never worked a season where so many people got along so well for so long. So much so that we still want to be around each other even a year later.
 You can call us Cultbrook but we prefer Soulbrook ;) I love my new Soulbrook family and they all made me a better person. I learned more about myself, I challenged myself, and I soaked in as much information as I could from their knowledge and expertise.
after a day of playing like children
Soulbrook on the stoop
         



     










As a community we challenged each other, supported each other and I know I’m better because of our time together. I didn’t know it but I had developed a  mistrust of men from my time Morocco- the nature of my co-workers helped me shake that off. I found my way back into my own country and learned what I valued, and what I loved about my home after being away for 2 years. I dove deep into the forest without shoes on , held wild snakes, did acrobatic tricks, sang everyday, slept in a hammock city, truly saw the wildflowers, stalked bobcats, played like a kid, learned the names of the trees and made America my home again. I  found my feet underneath me and I grew more confident. My new family helped me transform. 
the beginning of my headstand. 
          When the ground finally thawed my friends would kick off their shoes and scamper into the woods and as I watched them pick lines through the trees I decided that I wanted to be able to do that too. So I started running and eating better and exercising, I stopped making excuses and I made myself stronger. I spent months figuring out how to do a headstand. All in all in the past months I have found so much that’s important to me. I have a new love for myself , for nature and for my country. And then I left again. 

          
after months of effort- my headstand on top of mount lafayette in NH


Ha! Right now I am accepting a new challenge. Turns out I have never truly dated before and last fall while still at Nature’s Classroom I met this wonderful man Ox who wooed me but had already started planning this trip to Cambodia. When our time at Nature’s Classroom was over I still wanted to be with him so when he left at the beginning of this year I knew I would rather be with him in Cambodia then not be with him at all. It’s hard for me to leave the woods, and the mountains and the country I have fallen in love with again but I know it’s still there and I know this is where I belong right now. Cambodia and Ox are both incredibly wonderful. 
Moroccan Market
Cambodian Market
         Visually it reminds me a lot of Morocco- the store fronts, the traffic and the markets all echo Morocco’s aesthetic but that’s pretty much the end of the similarities.



Fruit in Morocco 

Fruit in Cambodia














 The food is so different and I love all of it- also I’ve started eating meat because even though it is a Buddhist country the majority of the food here relies on meat and I want to eat EVERYTHING. In my 2 weeks here I have not had a single meal that I haven’t liked if not loved- well besides the durian and the crickets I did not like the durian and I could take or leave the crickets- but everything else has been phenomenal. I feel much safer here then I ever felt in a Moroccan city, people smile a lot more at each other and I have had no street harassment besides a few kids asking for money at traffic lights and the tuk tuk (taxi) drivers asking me if I want a ride (because why would I want to walk anywhere ?!?! it’s hot out!). In the past two weeks I’m realizing I have some things still to resolve and process about my time in Morocco and how it made me feel. Being in Cambodia is helping me discover some of the things I learned during my time in Morocco because I obviously spent the last year learning to love my home and not exactly reflecting constantly on my Peace Corps service. Being in Cambodia makes me miss Morocco and I would be lying if I didn’t say I missed America a little- but mostly because I LOVE spring and I wish I could see the forest transform from a winters sleep into green and bloom. However I am so happy to be here and so grateful for all that I have experienced and everything leading up to this moment and all the new experiences to come. 
Ox and I in NYC before he left for Cambodia
Ox and I eating jellied coconut in Cambodia
          














Next week I’m going to be starting a TESOL course through a program called LC- Asia then get a teaching job here ( fingers crossed I will be getting a job teaching science). But in the meantime I am trying all sorts of new things, hanging out with some old Kingsley Pines friends- Kelsey and Brandon- and being with the lovely man that brought me to this country. I’m going to try and be more diligent then I was with my Peace Corps blogging, but we shall see what truly happens. I’ve been saying I was going to write this post for about 3 weeks now. This blog is a new challenge, and this is after all my year of challenge. 
Vietnamese Coffee with sweetened condensed milk

My first day in Cambodia
      
Trying Durian 


SE Asian Kingsley Pines Reunion! 
Crickets

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Return

It has been several months now since I've returned to america and so far, more or less, it's been good.

Things are still shiny- I still get disproportionally excited about a big delicious cup of coffee or a 2 dollar taco or my beautiful new bra's and all they do for me.

Simultaneously a lot and very little has happened since my return. The holidays happened which were incredible and difficult. Incredible because I finally got to celebrate with family and friends and difficult because they had to live up to the expectations I have built up over 2 years in Morocco.

I got a part time job at a gas station and had to work christmas day, and as a child of school teachers I had no true way to deal with working on a holiday I had always had free my whole life.

I had to quit the part time gas station job because my body doesn't like standing still for 9 hours straight. It was sort of a disappointment. I kind of liked the work. I was busy most of the work day, I got to talk to lots of different people, the cash register was like a real-life Iphone game. I could see myself owning a little corner store like that some day (clearly with a different focus then 99 cent toquito's and frozen pizza's though). Often when I'm home I feel like I have no friends, because I have no social circle that remains here and I just sit at home feeling lonely – working at a place where more or less everyone has to stop meant that I got to see old teachers, classmates and got to make new friends. So on one hand while I continue to nurse my cranky upper back, I am grateful for my time there and I have a new found respect for people who work at places like that, standing all day on stupid mats that are supposed to help- by the way- every other country I've been to lets their tellers sit down.

Some things have been confusing me since being home. I'm not sure how I feel about wearing leggings and nothing over top of them especially in the winter time, though I've found some longer shirts that make me feel less exposed and I will probably jump on that bandwagon.
I am confused by commercials, though the more TV I watch the less ridiculous they seem. However, for the first 2 months commercials felt alien to me. The flashy BS that shows ridiculous juxtapositions between what we should want and how we should look and act confused me. Why do we need all this stuff? I will admit, though, that I watched some of the super bowl commercials the other day online- it's absurd how quickly these 30 second to 1 minute absurdities hawking cars and soda's and banks and a plethora of superfluous shenanigans become normal.

I don't know if this has been a natural progression for me or if I just expect more from my country after being in a country with so little infrastructure and work for its 'common man'; but one of the things that has been most upsetting and difficult for me to understand is what people are willing to do and not do for their jobs. I am having a lot of trouble understanding why a community of workers would accept not taking lunch breaks or smoke breaks or why we as a society accept how little some people are paid and how much they are expected to work. This year people had to choose between spending Thanksgiving with their families or making extra money and working at a box store so we consumers could get “good deals” a few hours earlier. WTF. I'm confused why there is so little opportunities for people to work and get paid enough to survive and why we still accept that sick people should have to go bankrupt to get the care they need. This is a whole other topic entirely but I'm also confused why people don't realize that big change takes time and is going to be messy (this is specifically in regards to the health care system that is being overhauled through the affordable care act).

America isn't so different from when I left it- sure the cracker aisle of the supermarket looks pretty different, there's more types of Arizona Iced tea but I think as a whole I feel like I'm back - capital “H”- Home. I love the Berkshires and the things the people of this community are working to achieve. I go to a monthly barter market, I've met young farmers and homesteaders, young professionals and motivated community builders, there's beautiful and welcoming public spaces and delicious restaurants with thoughtful menus, open mic nights and contra dances. It seems to me that at least here people are working towards things I value- community, sustainability, and building up local products and traditions. I love the Berkshires- to me it seems like the perfect middle ground between country and city- there's hiking, and lots of nature but there's still concert venues, an arts and entertainment industry and you can easily get to metropolitan area's by bus or train. I don't know if I'll ever truly be able to afford to live here full time- but we'll see.

I do miss Morocco a lot- I miss having my own house, I miss my town being a compact little thing that means I can walk everywhere. As much as I love having all the groceries I could want available to me all the time I miss my weekly souk and buying vegetables by the kilo and walking home with them in my hiking pack. I miss how connected I felt to people. I miss the freedom of interacting with people on my own time, instead of theirs. I miss my site mate, my stajmates, my Peace corps and moroccan friends, I miss the sunsets and the mountains and public transportation.

I do not miss doing laundry by hand, being cold inside during the winter and having to feel anxiety about how I dressed and how I interacted with men. I love the individual freedoms I have here and how I can express myself how I choose once again- I love talking about things like hetero normative values and environmental sustainability. I love the familiarity and history I have with people and old friends and how easy it is to talk to people. I love the value Americans give to independences and uniqueness and creativity. I'm totally adrift about what I want to do and how I want to fit in here long term- but I am really thankful to be home.



Here's some pictures of my last few months being home and how I feel about America:


Beer and Iphones- AMERICA! 

Goodnight Moon! America appreciates literature

individual freedoms- we have them. 

mom and I had a table at a craft fair- we sold very little, but it was fun to be in my elementary school and see local people I used to see often. 

New york city in the snow- pretty awesome. 

new years day hike with good friends. 

snow is my favorite. It is gorgeous here. I'm getting to go cross country skiing once again! 

live music? heck yes!! Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams less then 30 minutes from my house. 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

the trip with the fam!


So this blog post is long overdue and I am really sorry about that- I had actually written a blog post before my parents came, but my internet ran out before I could post it, maybe I’ll post it up but it’s kind of out of date.

As some of you may or may not know the most difficult time of my service (thus far and hopefully all around ) was the time following my trip to America. I was legitimately bummed out and pretty unhappy, and I would be lying to if you I hadn’t been worried I would fall back into the melancholic pit that was the month of September after my family visited. Thankfully that was not the case! Getting to see Morocco through the eyes/experiences of my family made me love and appreciate this country even more. Morocco was on its best behavior, no angry drivers, pickpockets or harassers (minus one guy who yelled "condom" at us in the medina of Marrakech)  instead my family got to experience what I have come to love here. I realized I had taken for granted/ just expected the generosity and kindness and hospitality of Moroccans as a whole- getting a handful of dates, a bundle of mint, an invitation for food or free cookies  from friends and strangers is totally normal for me- but it was really touching to see happen for the first time for my mother and father. When things like that happened my mother said “this would never happen in New York!” and I’m hoping to keep that in mind upon my return to the states, hopefully I won’t become known as the creepy dreadlocked lady who invites strangers in her house all the time for food and tea- but for reals the generosity and the amount that people share here is something that America could benefit from.

So now onto the trip!


the square from the side 
After a 2.5 hour line at customs mom and jack finally made it out of the Marakesh airport in our rental car- Mom and Jack killed it driving, and Kesh is not an easy place to be a passenger let a lone a driver- luckily our hotel was close by and super nice! Also within the first 45 minutes of them being on sovereign Moroccan soil I was asked twice about my unmarried relationship status. The fam got a great price on the hotel stateside and they only charged me 30 bucks or so to crash and even brought me up a bed. We got free tea, delicious snacks (that I actually think we were meant to pay for) and were even serenaded upon our arrival by a skinny French lady in a gold sparkly dress singing some jazz- it was all very fancy and NOTHING like being here as a PCV, we weren’t allowed to carry our bags, I was afraid to touch things, the food menu had things on it that cost more then I spend on groceries in a month. I told the ladies at the front desk that they might have to remove me forcibly because that shower was AWESOME. I jumped them into morocco head first by dragging us to the Marakesh center Jmee El fnaa- which was BUMPING. Because of the school break everyone and their brother, their cousin, their cousins wife and kids and mothers and grandmothers and everything in between were in Marakesh ( I know of at least 5 people from site who went to ‘Kesh during the break)- but I was told there was delicious tagine to be had at a legitimate price so we braved the crowd. I think Jack got a little overwhelmed, but it was cool to see it at night and so busy. Morocco is definitely a country worth listening to, especially in the square . 




















some of the marakesh medina
The next morning mom and I kind of ditched Jack and took an early morning adventure into the old Medina, and while not everything was open good god is Marakesh incredibly pleasant at 8am- if you are overwhelmed by cities get a good early start in the morning and you’ll have the old medina to yourself. We started the day with a very Moroccan breakfast of café ns-ns, Milwil/msmin and avocado juice- and while mom was a little skeptical of the bright green liquid placed in front of her, she was a convert just like the rest of us! We got to do some shopping; I got to show off my baller bargaining skills (and was only slightly ripped off). After our shopping trip we began the climb in our Air Conditioned car over the tishka pass. 

the very quiet morning in the medina


buying nuts for our car ride! 


















I will admit that renting a car was my idea, and a selfish one. I have gone over the tishka so many gd times and every time it’s zooming by on a bus, we probably could have chartered taxis just as easily and have come out a little under the cost of the car but having the freedom of a vehicle made the trip so much less stressful (at least for me). Mom and jack both did a great job on the Tishka, and we were able to stop for fossils, pictures and much needed pee breaks. 

A storks nest on a mineret
a nice vista


our car and an amusing road sign

one of the many stone/earth villages along the pass. 


the waterfall across the mountains after the "layer cake " section of the tishka

at the top of what i call the "layer cake section" 

Unfortunately for the fam, the managed to be here during the HOTTEST week of the year thus far, dude it was a crazy heat wave 100 plus degrees- this time last year I was still wearing a sweater/flannel to keep me warm during the day. Literally the day after they left it dropped almost 20-40 degrees (though  that is now no longer true).


mom coming down a set of stairs in n'kob
OK back to the trip- we spent the next 2 days hanging out in N’kob- this was the chillaxin part of the trip, we went for walks around town, the palmerie, played scrabble, ate food of my own creation (pizza and tagine). We also, of course, visited my buds the cookie ladies and my host family the bounty of gifts mom and I stressed over in tow. I think the hot pads/ oven hot hands confused people but were appreciated nonetheless. We also got a very enthusiastic science talk from my friend Brahim who is an amateur archeologist.  Having my parents here made me feel good about my integration here, while I watched my family squirm uncomfortably as we sat awkwardly in one place or another I realized how normal it felt for me to just hang out on a stuffed flour sack on the side of the road with a group of ladies speaking a language I didn’t understand.  


old dude carrying a shovel

















a lady near my house making bread in the traditional oven! 

the oldest kasbah in nkob

the watchtower and jack

me at the watchtower

mom and I at the watchtower

pizza in my kitchen!!!!

After N’kob we went out to Erfoud/Merzouga for
our camel trek, which was the part I was most looking forward to. Thank god we had AC because the trip was hot and long, and probably the most boring landscape ever, hundreds of miles of hot scorched rocks with a few mountains and scrubby plant life here and there (including the cabbage tree! My favorite.) Mom’s guide book mentioned a fossil museum with free admission so we decided to check that out. I was dubious about the legitimacy/fanciness of this supposed museum but I was thoroughly impressed and totally fascinated by all the spcemins on display. Most common were trilobites and ammonites, but there were also crinoids and stars and all sorts of other cool stuff, so many fossils! And so many of them from right around the museum. 







As you all may or may no know two of Peace Corps goals for volunteers is the exchange of culture back and forth- and while as a PCV I’ve made a point to become part of my community sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re doing it more for your own benefit then anyone elses- you start asking questions like “does anyone really care?” and “do they actually want me here?” It’s easy to get wrapped up in this cloud for quite a time, but while we were at the museum I definitely felt like what I was doing meant something to people- the museum guide/leader who was fluent in 5 languages found us while we were browsing and offered us a ‘backstage tour’ telling me he wanted to show us how they did things and give us a discount at the shop (20-40% on everything geez!)  because how important it was that I was there to “learn about their culture” – people were also impresses when I told them my town, which I’m learning has a bit of a reputation for being mskin (sad/poor ) . Our impromptu guide took us into the initial cleaning room where boxes and boxes of rocks were piled high along the walls with fossils waiting to be uncovered by the little metal dentists drill. Then he took us to the professional workshop- equipment and training provided, I believe, by a partner located in Arizona. Then they took us into the flashy room where they kept the expensive stuff as well as special commission and museum pieces. It was cool to see creatures that were 300 million years old that looked like they were still in motion under the prehistoric ocean. We went a little banana’s at the gift shop and filled up on ammonite shells and keychains, a gorgeous crinoid for jack and all other sorts of gifts for ourselves and people at home. I will admit before this trip I was pretty ambivalent about fossils, but I’m now pretty excited about all of it, also it turns out the guy who did planet earth came and did an piece about the fossils in the area, so I’m definitely going to check that out! 

Still buzzing from our fossil purchases and exciting excursion back in time we made our way to a restaurant for some food before heading out on out camel trek. We ordered cous cous and I’m disappointed in the fact that that was the cous cous my family had over here because I love couscous so much! But it wasn’t all bad. After we met up with our driver/ guide who took us in his 4x4 over glorified ruts in the desert to the auberge in Merzouga. We had some tea, and chilled by the pool for an hour until the temps went down a bit and then headed out to our camels! Our guide Hassan (I think) wore his sahara blue jlaba thing and a bright turban and led us out into the desert. The dunes were gorgeous and made me miss my days in lighting design, there were so many blues and purples mixed in with the expected oranges and whites and yellows of the desert. It was so cool riding along on a camel into the Sahara. We arrived at our campsite, which was a little sandless valley among the dunes that was actually a bed of fossilized coral. For being out in the desert it was super swanky; nomad tents with full on mattresses, western toilets, hot showers and electricity. We shared the campsite with three French dudes who were a little rowdy, but in a very French way. In typical Moroccan fashion we were given tea and peanuts upon arrival and hung out then were stuffed with food – a salad/veggie plate, tomato stewed beef a GIANT tagine with some of the best eggplant I’ve had in this country followed by fruit and dates finally followed by a campfire and some drums and music. The moon and stars over the dunes were incredible and mom and both witnessed a star go out/die which was crazy! I’m glad she saw it too otherwise I would have thought I was crazy. Suddenly this star in the sky got really really bright then just faded away. In a way, that day was time travel day between the fossils and the star we traveled back in time (and space! ).

In the morning we were woken up to catch the sunrise over the desert which was a beautiful (however early) start to the day. Then we settled down for a very Moroccan breakfast of juice and coffee and bread and olives with butter and jam and olive oil. After breakfast we headed back out of the desert astride our camels- in case you were wondering camels sound like a combination of Chewbacca and a gurgling drain. Our ride back was uneventful and pleasant, not too hot because of the early start. After we exited the desert our driver met us in his 4x4 and took zooming back over the more mars like desert landscape. He had heard us talking excitedly about fossils so on the way back stopped us off at this small field area where they mined for the bigger pieces for tabletops and counters and other household items. This was literally a field of fossils, never in my life would I have thought I could just bend over and pick up something that lived 300 million years ago in the OCEAN, but that’s what we did. At first the driver left the engine idling then realized that we were all to entranced crawling around picking up fossils that he turned his car off. Before we left we were swarmed with a few guys holding polished fossils in old display boxes and mom bought two gorgeous ammonites and jack bought this long spiney guy whose name I forget. Our guide also assisted us in buying some dates on our return to Erfoud and I’m talking the big money show pony dates- these puppies weren’t the shriveled up 1.5inch things I can get here but dates the size of a babies fist that were absolutely delicious. In another example of  the generosity here our guide invited us over for  a tagine lunch and so we drove along the road towards errachidia to look at the palmeries and earth towns of the ziz valley to pass the time.

We made it back to N’kob that night and prepared mom and jacks baggage which mostly involved the very difficulty decision-making process of what rocks would be going back stateside. 

The next morning we stopped off for some bread from the cookie ladies and some laughing cow triangles and made our way back over the tishka. We spend the night with my love Sarah Quinn who took us around Tamslohte’s zowei/ancient religious school. We hung out at the café and ate some cliff bars, and made some chicken tagine. Bright and early the next morning we packed back into the rental car and made our way back to the airport.

            It was hard saying goodbye and the trip definitely could have been longer. But it was amazing to be able to share the place I’ve been calling home for over a year with people I love.